Let me tell you about the total emotional breakdown I experienced on Friday that resulted in a 5 hour nap. I love naps, especially when they allow you to completely ignore your circumstances for a while.
WARNING: This is a super weepy emotional girly rant, it is not for the faint of heart…and probably not for guys.
I’ve been struggling with my weight a lot lately. I know what you’re thinking: “who isn’t?” But it’s really starting to get to me. Let’s just say I wear yoga pants more often than not. What’s really bothering me is that I’ve been running 3 times a week for several months now. And I’ve been eating better in a frantic attempt to lower my cholesterol. So the fact that I’ve gained 10 pounds since Christmas is really discouraging.
On top of that I’ve been extremely emotional lately. Just bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. Literally. I dropped my hat the other day and it made me cry. Poor Trey is doing a fantastic job navigating my insane moodiness. And, being a guy, he really wanted to help fix things. Cause he’s awesome like that. And cause this was one of those occasions where I was seriously sick of feeling moody and fat and wanted a solution. So Trey suggested I go to the doctor to have my thyroid checked out. It would explain a lot.
So that’s what I did. Last Wednesday I went to visit my doctor and explained my symptoms. And she asked some questions. And with every answer she shook her head. And finally she said, “I know this is the obvious question, but do you think you could be pregnant? It really sounds like you’re pregnant.”
Now, let me pause to tell you in the mildest terms possible (so as not to frighten you away) the extent of my baby fever. I feel like part of me is missing. I get weepy not only looking at cute babies, but at children in general. But it’s just not the right time for us to start a family. We have two mortgages (anybody wanna by a house???), and we have some pretty heavy stuff going on with Trey’s family (health-wise) that just makes trying to start a family too complicated right now. My brain knows all these things and accepts them. My raging hormones, however, are having difficulty reconciling this.
So I tell the doc that I’ve taken several pregnancy tests in the past few months, because I realize that’s exactly what all my symptoms point to, and each time I peed on a stick, the stick said no. So she decides to add a pregnancy test to the thyroid blood work, just in case I’m in the one percent of people who just doesn’t gel with the over-the-counter variety. I leave her office and walk across the sidewalk and immediately have blood taken (yay for non-fasting blood work). They tell me I should have the results by Thursday or Friday.
Longest two days ever. Two days spent dreaming about baby names and how to tell our families and how to post our awesome news on Facebook. Two days of praying that if I wasn’t pregnant that I wouldn’t get my hopes up and that we’d figure out something with this potential thyroid issue.
Friday morning, around 10:00, I get the call.
Not only am I not pregnant, there’s also absolutely nothing wrong with my thyroid. Basically, I suffered through some of the worst anticipation of my life to find out that I’m just fat. FYI: that is not good for a girl’s self-esteem. Especially a girl who’s already super emotional and moody. I pretty much went straight upstairs and slept for the rest of the day.
On the plus side, Trey & I went to the symphony that night and it was the first time in years that I’ve been big enough to wear one of my absolute favorite dresses. It’s funny how God can show you the silver lining in just about anything…